The Great Slumber: A Tale of Petty Comfort in the Land of Maple

Behold, dear readers, as we witness yet another spectacle in the grand theater of mediocrity! Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, that shepherd of the somnolent masses, hath announced what he deemeth a grand gesture - a temporary relief from the burden of taxation, a mere two-month respite from the GST upon selected goods and services.

Lo, how the masses rejoice at these crumbs! They dance in their chains, celebrating the temporary lessening of their burden, never questioning why they bear these shackles in the first place. Such is the way of the herd - grateful for the smallest mercy, never daring to dream of true liberation.

In this land of perpetual winter, where the spirit hibernates as surely as the bears, the government offers $250 to those who toiled in the year 2023, earning no more than $150,000. A pittance, wrapped in the guise of generosity, to arrive in the spring of 2025. How the mighty have fallen, that they should celebrate such meager offerings!

From December 14 to February 15, 2025, the slumbering masses shall be permitted to purchase their prepared meals, their children's toys, and their spirits (provided they be weak enough) without the customary tribute to their overlords. What magnificent benevolence! What extraordinary kindness!

See how they scramble for their pre-prepared meals, their processed delights! The modern man, too weak to hunt, too domesticated to prepare his own sustenance, rejoices at the prospect of saving pennies on his purchased comforts. Is this not the very image of decline?

The arithmetic of this grand gesture suggests that a family spending two thousand dollars upon these approved items might save a mere hundred dollars. In the harmonized provinces, where provincial and federal taxes dance their dreary waltz together, the savings might reach the princely sum of $260.

And yet, beneath this facade of generosity lies a more insidious truth. The federal debt, that great chain binding future generations, has doubled to $1.4 trillion over nine years. The cost of servicing this mountainous burden shall reach $54.1 billion in the coming year.

They speak of strong balance sheets while forging stronger chains! The debt grows like a cancer, yet they celebrate their fiscal strength. Such is the madness of those who cannot see beyond their own epoch!

The political theater continues its performance, with the New Democratic Party joining this dance of delusion, promising even greater tax eliminations should they ascend to power. They speak of taking $5 billion from the coffers of successful enterprises to fund their largesse.

Minister Freeland, that herald of false comfort, declares that inflation has been tamed, as though the wild beast of economic reality could be so easily domesticated. They assure us these measures shall not feed the inflation beast, even as they scatter gold dust before the winds.

Observe how they measure their success in polls and percentages, these merchants of mediocrity! They seek not to elevate the spirit but to purchase contentment with borrowed gold. The very essence of the last man lives in their promises - comfort above all, safety at any cost, the dulling of all pain and all joy alike.

And what of the people, these dwellers in the land of eternal sleep? They email their gratitude for these small mercies, never questioning the system that necessitates such relief. They celebrate the right to purchase their video game consoles tax-free, while their spirits remain taxed by the weight of their own complacency.

The parliamentary machinery grinds to a halt over matters of transparency, yet moves with surprising alacrity when offering these modest indulgences. Such is the way of governance in this age of decline - paralyzed by truth, yet swift in dispensing comfort.

Where are those who would rather break their chains than have them temporarily lightened? Where are those who would forge their own path rather than follow the well-worn road of government dependence? In this winter of the spirit, I seek them still.

Thus ends this tale of small comforts and smaller ambitions, where the heights of achievement are measured in tax savings and the depths of vision extend no further than the next election. Let those who have ears to hear understand: the path to greatness lies not in the acceptance of such paltry gifts, but in the courage to demand more of oneself than any government could ever provide.