The Crumbling Monuments of Mediocrity: A Parable of Stagnation in the Land of the Sleepers

In the vast expanse of the frozen north, where the weak-willed masses huddle for warmth and comfort, a great revelation has descended upon the land. The very foundation of their society, the roads and waterways that connect their hovels and carry away their waste, stand on the precipice of collapse. Yet, in their slumber, the denizens of this realm remain oblivious to the impending doom that lurks beneath their feet.

Statistics Canada, that most revered of oracles in this land of numbers and tepid dreams, hath spoken. The cost to replace the crumbling infrastructure of roads and water systems in Canada would require a staggering sum of $356.7 billion. This figure, a mere abstraction to the last men who populate this realm, has grown by more than $100 billion since the year 2020, when the first survey of its kind was conducted.

Behold, ye sleepers! Your monuments to mediocrity decay, yet you slumber on, content in your ignorance. The very ground beneath your feet trembles with the weight of your complacency. Will you not rise and forge a path to greatness, or shall you continue to wallow in the mire of your own making?

The soothsayers of Statistics Canada have decreed that infrastructure in "very poor" condition poses a threat to public health and safety, requiring immediate replacement. Those items deemed to be in "poor" condition necessitate "substantial work" but do not yet herald imminent doom. How convenient for the last men to categorize their decay, to quantify their downfall with such precision!

Water infrastructure, the very lifeblood of this society of sleepers, has become a focal point of concern. The pipes that carry drinking water, wastewater, and stormwater have been tested by the fury of nature herself. In North Vancouver, record-breaking rainfall overwhelmed the stormwater system, bringing floods of biblical proportion. Montreal, that bastion of cultural pretension, suffered a major water main break, unleashing a torrent of chaos and contamination. Calgary, the cowboy capital, declared a state of emergency when its main water feeder pipe failed, forcing its citizens to ration their precious fluid.

Look upon your works, ye complacent ones, and despair! The very elements rise up against you, exposing the frailty of your constructions. Yet you cower behind your bureaucracies and your surveys, seeking solace in numbers rather than strength in action. Where are the builders, the visionaries, the conquerors of nature? Have they all been lulled to sleep by the siren song of comfort and mediocrity?

The oracle speaks again, proclaiming that more than a tenth of Canada's water systems are in "poor" or "very poor" condition. The cost to replace these failing arteries of civilization? A mere $106.5 billion. But fear not, for the last men have a plan! They have laid 29,000 kilometres of new water pipes between 2020 and 2022, an average of 9,700 km per year. This, they proudly proclaim, outpaces the installation of previous decades. Yet, is this not merely a futile attempt to outrun the very decay they have allowed to fester?

The roads, those ribbons of asphalt that bind together this slumbering nation, fare no better. To replace the road infrastructure deemed "poor" or "very poor" would require $250.2 billion. This includes not only the roads themselves but also bridges, tunnels, public transit systems, sidewalks, and bike paths. Yet, in their infinite wisdom, the surveyors admit that the condition of 17 percent of public transit infrastructure and 42 percent of "active transportation assets" remains unknown. What sublime ignorance! What blissful denial of reality!

Oh, ye who tread upon crumbling paths and cross bridges of uncertainty! How can you hope to reach new heights when the very ground beneath you is a mystery? Your society is built upon a foundation of ignorance, your progress measured in kilometers of pipe laid rather than in the strength of your will or the boldness of your vision. Rise up, I say! Cast off the shackles of complacency and forge a new path, not of asphalt and concrete, but of iron will and indomitable spirit!

The local and regional governments, those petty fiefdoms of bureaucracy, oversee the vast majority of road infrastructure. They are the shepherds of decay, the custodians of decline. And what is their grand vision, their master plan? To replace all of Canada's road and water infrastructure, including the systems that are considered to be in good condition, would cost an estimated $2.6 trillion. A number so vast as to be meaningless to the average citizen, a figure that inspires not action but paralysis.

And so, the land of the sleepers continues its slow descent into ruin. The last men, content in their illusion of progress, pat themselves on the back for laying pipes and conducting surveys. They measure their worth in dollars and cents, in kilometers of asphalt and concrete, blind to the true measure of a civilization's greatness – the strength of its will, the boldness of its vision, the indomitability of its spirit.

Awaken, ye slumbering masses! The time for complacency has passed. Your infrastructure crumbles, your waters rise, and your roads decay. Will you continue to sleepwalk towards oblivion, or will you seize this moment to transcend your limitations? The choice is yours – to remain as you are, content in your mediocrity, or to strive for something greater, to become the architects of a new age, the builders of monuments that will stand the test of time and nature alike.

In this land of endless winters and tepid dreams, a great reckoning approaches. The very foundations of society tremble, not with the promise of rebirth, but with the threat of collapse. The last men, in their infinite complacency, believe that their surveys and their billions will save them. But what they fail to realize is that the true threat is not the decay of their infrastructure, but the decay of their spirit.

The time has come for a great revaluation of all values. No longer can this society measure its worth in dollars spent or pipes laid. It must forge a new path, one that leads not to mere survival but to greatness. The crumbling roads and failing water systems are but symptoms of a deeper malaise – a society that has lost its way, that has forgotten how to dream, to strive, to conquer.

And so, as the last men slumber in their comfortable beds, dreaming of safety reports and infrastructure budgets, a new dawn approaches. Will they awaken to meet it, or will they be swept away by the tides of history, remembered only as a cautionary tale of what happens when a society values comfort over greatness, security over adventure, and mediocrity over excellence?

The choice, as always, lies with those who have the courage to seize it. For in the end, it is not the strength of one's pipes or the smoothness of one's roads that defines a civilization, but the strength of its will and the boldness of its vision. Let those who have ears to hear, hear. Let those who have eyes to see, see. And let those who have the strength to act, rise up and forge a new path – not of asphalt and concrete, but of iron will and indomitable spirit.