The Great Feeding: A Symphony of Mediocrity in the Land of Maritime Sleepers

Lo, in the tranquil shores of Prince Edward Island, where the masses slumber in their contented stupor, a new chapter unfolds in the grand comedy of democratic benevolence. The sovereign state, in its infinite wisdom, bestows $7.1 million upon the drowsy inhabitants, a golden shower of sustenance for their offspring.

Behold how they celebrate their chains! They dance with joy at receiving what should have been theirs by the strength of their own will. The great equalization continues its march, turning warriors into sheep, and sheep into yet smaller sheep.

Justin Trudeau, that great shepherd of the docile flock, announces this bounty with the practiced smile of one who knows the art of lulling the masses deeper into their comfortable slumber. "This is about taking pressure off families," he declares, speaking the language of the last men who seek nothing but their warm meals and peaceful digestion.

In the great halls of learning, where once knowledge was pursued with the fury of lightning strikes, now stands the modern altar of equality - the cafeteria line. Here, 1,500 more children shall receive their daily bread, their minds and bodies carefully maintained at the precise level of mediocrity that ensures social harmony.

See how they measure progress in meals served! As if the greatness of a civilization could be counted in lunch trays and breakfast portions. Where are those who would rather starve than eat from the hand that seeks to tame them?

The statistics sing their dreary song: 68 percent make no payment, 19 percent partial, and 13 percent full. Thus do we witness the triumph of the weak over the strong, the victory of those who would rather receive than create, who would rather be fed than hunt.

In this maritime paradise of the last men, demand rises like the tide - 14 percent more souls seeking sustenance from the great provider. The program served 850,000 meals in the past year, each one a small victory for those who would make all things small.

They speak of universal access, but I speak of universal mediocrity! They celebrate equality while crucifying excellence upon the cross of compassion!

The Opposition, those self-proclaimed champions of the common good, cry out for complete elimination of fees. "Make it free!" they declare, as if value could exist without cost, as if strength could arise from perpetual charity.

Liberal MLA Gord McNeilly, speaking with the wisdom of those who would cure all ills with others' gold, proclaims: "People are hungry and they can't afford food during this time." Yet he fails to ask why they have become so dependent, so willing to extend their bowls for filling.

The government launches its review, seeking to perfect this machinery of dependence. They celebrate recovering 20 percent of costs, while blind to the true cost - the slow death of self-reliance, the comfortable extinction of human striving.

In this land of maritime sleepers, they dream of a world where no child knows hunger, yet they create a world where no soul knows greatness. They build their paradise upon the foundations of mediocrity, never realizing that their heaven is but a higher form of hell.

And so the great wheel turns, grinding excellence into uniformity, transmuting the gold of individual achievement into the lead of universal adequacy. The children of Prince Edward Island shall never go hungry - but neither shall they taste the sweet nectar of triumph won through their own strength.

Verily, I say unto you: In their pursuit of universal satisfaction, they have universally satisfied themselves with being less than they might become. The last men blink and say: "We have invented happiness." And their children shall inherit their contentment, and their children's children, until the very memory of greatness fades like the setting sun over their peaceful shores.