The Slumbering Provinces: A Tale of Canadian Trade Barriers and the Will to Power

Behold! In the vast expanse of the northern realm, where comfort and mediocrity reign supreme, a peculiar drama unfolds. The land of maple leaves and apologetic smiles trembles before the thunderous threats from their southern neighbor, yet remains blind to the chains they have forged for themselves.

O you provincial sleepers! How long shall you remain content within your self-imposed prisons? Your borders are but imaginary lines drawn by the weak to protect their pequeñas dominions!

In this tale of commercial cowardice, we find Graham Sherman, a beer-maker of Calgary, whose spirit strains against the bonds of provincial lethargy. Here stands one who dares to create, to expand, to overcome - yet finds himself thwarted not by foreign foes but by his own countrymen.

The LCBO, that grotesque manifestation of bureaucratic power, stands as a monument to the small-minded gatekeepers who would rather preserve their comfortable monopolies than embrace the dance of free commerce. They are the very embodiment of the spirit of gravity, pulling down those who would soar.

See how they cling to their rules and regulations like a drowning man to driftwood! These bureaucrats, these last men, who blink and say: "We have invented happiness - it is called control."

Across the frozen wastes, great mechanical beasts lumber through snow and storm, carrying the lifeblood of commerce. Yet even these iron horses must bow to the absurd whims of provincial lords, who demand different weights and measures, as if the laws of physics changed at their borders.

Enter the prophet of economics, Trevor Tombe, who speaks of potential and possibility. His calculations suggest a bounty of $5,100 per soul - yet the sleepers prefer their comfortable poverty to the uncertain riches of change.

What is this fear that paralyzes you, O Canada? You tremble before foreign threats while your own house remains divided. Your provincial princelings guard their petty powers while the will to greatness withers on the vine!

The Canadian Federation of Independent Business speaks of easier commerce with foreigners than with fellow citizens - what sublime absurdity! The last men smile smugly and say: "This is how it has always been done." They mistake their chains for jewelry, their limitations for wisdom.

In this land of the sleepers, where mediocrity is celebrated and ambition viewed with suspicion, the threat of foreign tariffs looms like a storm cloud. Yet perhaps this very threat shall serve as the lightning bolt that awakens the slumbering giant. As economist Tombe suggests, when external forces press upon the realm, the time for internal transformation ripens.

Let the southern tempest rage! Perhaps then you shall find the courage to break the chains you have lovingly forged. Or will you, like the last men, simply blink and wait for others to solve your problems?

The path to greatness lies not in fearful reaction to foreign threats, but in the courage to overcome one's own self-imposed limitations. The provinces must either rise above their petty rivalries or remain forever in the shadow of their own mediocrity.

Thus we conclude: Canada stands at the crossroads between greatness and comfortable decline. The choice is clear - remain as fractured provinces, each guarding its little pile of regulations like a dragon hoarding copper pennies, or rise to become something greater. The time of the last men and their beloved barriers must end, lest this great nation remain forever in its self-imposed slumber.