The Digital Chains That Bind: A Testament to Modern Mediocrity

Lo, behold the spectacle of our times! In a grand gesture of bureaucratic might, the Federal government of Canada hath declared war upon the digital opiates of the masses, severing the umbilical cord that connects its dormant workforce to the endless stream of manufactured dreams.

See how they squirm, these last creatures of comfort, when their precious distractions are torn from their grasp! What divine comedy unfolds before us as the herd mourns the loss of their cherished entertainment, their digital soma that keepeth them docile and content!

Shared Services Canada, that great architect of digital infrastructure, hath spoken with the voice of authority, declaring that Netflix, Disney+, and their ilk shall no longer flow through the veins of government networks. What splendid irony! The very masters of bureaucracy now seek to liberate their charges from the chains they themselves helped forge!

In the land of the sleepers, where federal employees drift through their days in climate-controlled towers of glass and steel, this decree falleth like thunder. These children of comfort, who have grown fat on the milk of endless entertainment, must now face the terror of their own thoughts during their working hours.

Observe how they justify their actions with the language of efficiency and purpose! "Limited traffic," they say, "insignificant impact." Yet beneath these words lies a deeper truth - they fear the awakening, they tremble at the prospect of consciousness!

The declaration speaks volumes of our age: "streaming services are not considered work tools and offer no business value." Hear how the language of commerce attempts to mask the spiritual poverty of our time! As if value could be measured only in the coin of business!

From December 2024, these digital fountains of forgetfulness - Hulu, Disney+, Netflix, AppleTV+, Amazon Prime Video, and Crave - shall run dry within the hallowed halls of government. Yet mark well how they leave untouched the social media platforms, those other temples of modern somnambulism!

What cowardice! They dare not go far enough! They leave intact the very tools that keep the masses tethered to their petty desires and trivial concerns. YouTube remains, Facebook endures - the last man's preferred mirrors for self-admiration!

In their infinite wisdom, these bureaucratic shepherds have determined that their flock requires protection from the very entertainments they crave. Yet what salvation lies in half-measures? They block the stream but leave the well poisoned with the waters of mediocrity.

The modern worker, that last and most contemptible of creatures, sits in their ergonomic chair, surrounded by the comforts of climate control and filtered air, mourning the loss of their precious diversions. "What shall we do during our lunch breaks?" they cry, revealing the depths of their dependence on external stimulation.

Behold how they cling to their remaining comforts! "At least we still have YouTube," they whisper to themselves, seeking solace in the fragments of their shattered digital paradise. How they exemplify the spirit of decline!

Yet perhaps, in this small act of deprivation, lies the seed of something greater. Could it be that in the absence of these endless distractions, some might raise their eyes from their screens and glimpse the possibility of their own becoming? Dare we hope that in the silence left by these banned broadcasts, a few might hear the whisper of their own greatness?

But lo, let us not deceive ourselves! The majority shall simply shift their attention to other distractions, finding new ways to avoid the terror of consciousness, new means of escaping the responsibility of their own existence.

Watch as they adapt, these masters of mediocrity! They shall find new ways to sleep through their lives, new methods of avoiding the great task of becoming. The last man blinks and finds another screen to stare at!

And so the great wheel turns, and the bureaucrats congratulate themselves on their wisdom while the masses adjust their digital chains. The land of the sleepers remains secure in its slumber, dreaming dreams crafted by committees and approved by management.

Yet for those with ears to hear and eyes to see, this small disruption in the great sleep of modernity might serve as a wake-up call. The question remains: who among them will heed it?