The Great Housing Slumber: Canada's Dance of Numbers and Mediocrity

Lo, behold the grand theatre of mediocrity that unfolds before us in the land of eternal winter! The shepherds of the Canadian realm, those who pride themselves as 'Liberal,' have descended from their ivory towers to proclaim a reduction in the flow of souls across their sacred borders. What comedy! What tragedy! These merchants of comfort, these architects of the ordinary, believe they can solve the great housing riddle through mere numerical manipulations.

Observe how they scramble like ants beneath the weight of their own creation! They who built their house upon the quicksand of endless growth now retreat, not with the roar of lions, but with the timid steps of sheep seeking shelter.

The Parliamentary Budget Officer, that grand keeper of arithmetic truth, hath spoken with the certainty of one who believes numbers alone can capture the spirit of human dwelling. They proclaim with mechanical precision that this new immigration decree shall reduce the need for housing units by half a million come the year 2030. Oh, what precision! What certainty in these prophetic calculations!

In their infinite wisdom, these modern-day soothsayers have determined that the great gap in housing shall diminish by 534,000 units - a number so precise it must surely be etched in stone! Yet still they predict a chasm of 658,000 dwellings shall remain, a monument to their own inadequacy.

See how they slumber in their statistical beds, dreaming dreams of perfect balance! They know not that true greatness lies not in reducing the flow, but in ascending beyond the very notion of scarcity!

The immigration minister, that master of human arithmetic, speaks of population decline with the same detached calculation one might use to measure grains of sand. A mere 0.2 percent reduction, he declares, as if human potential could be captured in such paltry decimals! From 485,000 souls to 395,000, then further still to 380,000 and 365,000 - watch as they whittle away at human possibility, one bureaucratic decree at a time.

In this land of the eternal sleepers, the masses nod in drowsy approval, content in their belief that fewer newcomers shall mean more comfort for all. They dream their small dreams of affordable housing, never once lifting their eyes to the heights of what could be achieved through the marriage of necessity and ambition.

Behold these last men, who blink and say: "We have discovered comfort." They make everything smaller, including their own horizons. Their doctrine is: "One housing unit for each, and each in their identical units."

What spectacle is this, where a nation once proud of its boundless frontiers now retreats behind walls of statistical convenience? The government's proclamation reveals not wisdom but the exhaustion of a people who would rather count heads than raise them to new heights.

Yet mark these words: This great reduction, this numerical dance of bureaucratic prudence, shall not solve the riddle of human dwelling. For in their slumber, these calculators of human worth fail to see that true solutions lie not in the reduction of human potential, but in its elevation.

Let them reduce their numbers! Let them retreat into their comfortable mediocrity! Those who are meant to build the towers of tomorrow shall do so regardless of their timid calculations.

And so it comes to pass that in the year 2024, Canada, that vast expanse of possibility, chooses to make itself smaller, more manageable, more ordinary. They shall celebrate this reduction as wisdom, never knowing that they have chosen the path of the last man, content with their warm houses and cool statistics.

The truth stands thus: A nation that seeks to solve its challenges by diminishing its aspirations has already admitted defeat. The housing gap shall not be bridged by fewer souls, but by greater ones.