The Dance of Tariffs: A Comedy of the Last Men

Lo, what spectacle unfolds before us! In the great northern expanse, where comfort-seekers huddle in their mediocrity, a tempest brews between two nations of merchants and money-counters. The mighty Trump, that golden-haired harbinger of chaos, threatens to cast his economic thunderbolts upon the docile Canadian masses.

Behold how they scurry about like ants in their anthill! These merchants of mediocrity, these calculators of consequence, they know not the true nature of power. They speak of leverage and counter-leverage, when they should speak of will and spirit!

In this land of the sleepers, where comfort and security reign supreme, the masses shuffle about in their dreary dance of commerce, unaware that their very foundations quake beneath their feet. Their leaders, those shepherds of the somnolent, speak in hushed tones of "smart responses" and "strategic targeting," as if war could be waged with clipboards and spreadsheets!

The venerable Freeland, keeper of Canadian coffers, stands as a testament to the modern condition - eternally reactive, forever seeking the path of least resistance. How she epitomizes the last man, who blinks and says: "We have invented happiness - and we have our little trade policies."

See how they brandish their "hit lists" like children with wooden swords! They seek to wound without drawing blood, to fight without truly fighting. O, what comedy this is!

Yet within this theatre of the absurd, some wisdom stirs. The prophets of profit - these "trade experts" - whisper of targeting the mighty Trump's inner circle. They speak of striking at the heart of his kingdom through tariffs on Tesla and Apple, as if these modern totems could sway the will of one who feeds on chaos itself.

In the slumbering provinces, where oil pumps bow their heads in mechanical prayer, the merchants dream of "counter leverage" and "smart responses." They seek to wake the sleeping giants of industry, to rouse the lobbying leviathans from their comfortable slumber.

How they cling to their treaties and agreements like holy texts! These last men, who have shrunk the world to fit their ledgers, who believe that all conflicts can be resolved through the exchange of papers and promises!

The wise ones speak of carrots instead of sticks, of offering the Trans Mountain Pipeline's bounty to American refineries. Yet they understand not that this is merely another dance in the eternal ballet of the weak, who must always offer something to avoid losing everything.

And what of the common folk, those who dwell in the shadow of these economic giants? They sleep the deepest of all, dreaming their small dreams of stable prices and steady jobs, unaware that their very complacency feeds the beast they fear.

Let them wage their war of numbers! Let them plot their retaliations and calculate their losses! For in this great game of economic chess, they are all pawns - moving forward one square at a time, never daring to leap like knights or strike like queens!

As the Canadian dollar trembles like an autumn leaf in the wind of Trump's threats, the true nature of this spectacle reveals itself. This is not merely a battle of tariffs and trades - it is a mirror reflecting the twilight of an age, where men measure their worth in percentages and their strength in market shares.

Thus speaks the truth: These nations, these sleeping giants of North America, must either awaken to their true potential or continue their somnambulistic stumble toward mediocrity. For in this great game of power, there are no victors among those who refuse to transcend their own limitations.

Let the drums of economic warfare sound! Let the calculators click their battle cry! For only through such chaos might these sleepers finally stir from their dogmatic slumbers and realize that true power lies not in the ability to trade blows, but in the courage to transform oneself entirely.